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Crushed to the Core

Updated: May 21, 2019

You wake up with the world at your fingertips. Things are going well...until they're not. Wait, what? You thought you were past this, had handled this, and buried these feelings. Yet, here they are again. Magnified. God help me...not again.

Divorce is usually like the wildest rollercoaster you can imagine...on steroids. You want to jump off so many times, to the degree that you may try to bail even in unsafe or unhealthy conditions. Throw botched coparenting attempts into the mix and you can feel like there is no end. No winning. No matter how high some of the post-divorce journey takes you, it never seems to outweigh the depth of emotion in the low and twisty times. When tears are all you have left. No strength to mutter words. You've been crushed. The mind blowing thing is that it doesn't have to be life-changing news that crushes you, yet it likely will. It can be the small irritating whispers that you can't quiet down or avoid.

But there's hope.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

While at times it may feel like our life is off course and headed in the wrong direction, know that the destination has not changed. You may currently be on an undesirable detour, but the plans for your life remain the same. Yes, you...even in your 50s, 60s, & 70s! Many of my clients of age often feel like they gave their 'best' years to their ex-spouse and that there is nothing left desirable -- that they are too old to 'start over'. These negative thoughts and insecurities will fuel and prolong those inevitable moments of crushing. As I do my clients, I encourage you to lean into it. Yeah, you read that right. Allow yourself to be present in the process of crushing and to feel all of the difficult emotions that come along with it. Make up in your mind to not dwell in that space for long, but to allow the raw emotions to flow. Then, gather yourself and focus in on what remains. The things that actually are going well in your life, the relationship bonds that have gotten stronger, your newfound strength and freedom, your independence, or a deeper/better spiritual relationship. The German philospher, Friedrich Nietzsche, coined the powerful, yet cliché phrase, “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” and oh how that rings true. You'll make it. I know that the future looks bleak, the tunnel is dim, and that the finish line seems nowhere in sight. But trust me. It will get better. Joy truly does come in the morning.

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